It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Randomize
