Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
