Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
