I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
