It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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