Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
