Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
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