It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
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