Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
