No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
