i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
