just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
