Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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