weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
and you fell through a lawn chair
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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