Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I am in a vortex of obligation.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
