Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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