Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
