were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
