her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Randomize
