she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
