My friends, they love my intelligence
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
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