I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
Randomize
