We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
