Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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