Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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