Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
