bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
