I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
