My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Randomize
