I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
