Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
