At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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