physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
