Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
