How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
im drinking this country out of the recession.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Randomize
