Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
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