see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Randomize
