I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
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