Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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