if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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