she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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