ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
did i just pee glitter
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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