whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
