Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Randomize
