Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
