I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
