don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Randomize
