Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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