Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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