he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
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