Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
