i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
