So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
