Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
